November 19 ( 9 years ago )

Assalamualaikum Warehmatullahi Wabarakatuh
 Hey my friend,

There is something I wanted to say, 

Mon Coeur,

Nine years ago tonight, something unexpected happened. We were both young when I first met you—I was nine years old, and you were eleven. I wasn't searching for anyone, and I didn't expect to meet you, but you came into my life anyway. It felt like it was meant to happen, like everything was working toward that moment.

You occupy my thoughts constantly. If I could share everything I feel about you, I would fill every page available in the world. Even then, it wouldn't be enough to express how much you mean to me.

I promise never to lie to you or hide anything from you. I will always be truthful with you, no matter what. I want to know about your life, every single day. I want to be a part of everything you do and experience.

I love the little things about you too—what makes you laugh until you cry, what makes you laugh even when you're sad. All of these things matter to me.

Whether you call it childhood love or teenage love, the truth is simple: I love you.

If I tried to list all the things I don't like about you, I would start crying because honestly, I don't dislike you at all. I hate the fact that I don't hate you. That's how much I care about you.

Love isn't always easy. Sometimes it hurts. It can make you doubt yourself, make you obsess over someone, make you do things that don't make sense. Sometimes it requires you to sacrifice things or put the other person first. It's difficult. But with you, it feels simpler because you make it feel worth it. You give me hope.

I realize I could survive without you, and eventually, life's other problems might overshadow that pain. But here's what I know: whether you love someone or you don't, there's suffering either way. So I'd rather suffer with you than suffer without you.

I love you more than anyone has ever loved anyone.

People say that the person who controls your anger controls you. But I believe that's not entirely true. I think the person who controls your sadness controls you. You can channel your anger into something—it can even make you stronger. But sadness is different. Sadness is weakness. And with weakness, you can't do anything. It can make you so weak that you can't even move. That's why I truly believe that the person who controls your sadness, controls you.

And that person, for me, is you. You control my sadness. Not because you cause it, but because only you can ease it. Only you have that power over me. 

 

Don't push this too far. There's a point where love turns into something else. If I were a spy, I would betray my country for you. That's how loyal I am to you.

Your words can hurt me the most because you matter the most to me. But I would rather be hurt by you than receive kindness from anyone else.

I need to be with you. I don't want anything else in life except to be with you. Wouldn't that be amazing? To be together. Really together. Forever.

Even when things are difficult or sad, I feel peaceful knowing you're beside me. Even when we fight, I'm glad it's you I'm fighting with because it means I get to be with you. And the happy moments? I can't even measure how good they feel.

I can't imagine my life without loving you. Your love drives everything else I do in my life. It's not just a purpose I'm trying to achieve—it's something that will last forever.

I've never felt this deeply about anything before. I want to listen to you, spend time with you, build a life with you, have the best moments of my life with you. I want to marry you and grow old with you.

Everything about me—every part of my existence—could write about you. You're that important to me.

Nine years ago, you showed up. And you've stayed. That means everything to me.

I love you.

Always yours,

I will write my name once you decide,

Fi Amanillah

TATA CARE <3